The 38 week mark has officially been reached!! I will try and take a picture later today to post, but I'm in my cow PJ's and Jimmy is asleep so it'll have to wait. :-) I can't believe we're finally here! Just think, odds are that in the next three weeks my little boy will finally come! He's giving indications that it is in his thoughts, wonderful uncomfortable braxton-hicks, making Mommy do the crab walk around Home Depo because he's pushing, and it feels like there is just no more room in there. :-) It's hard not to get too caught up in it and start getting impatient for Teddy to come. I know he probably won't be here any time this week, but when you get a bad cramp where else does your head go? So I've got to focus on Christmas, visiting my niece, finishing my Christmas cards and letter, all that fun stuff.
Still, in the world of baby news, Teddy is now full term, which means he's probably around 6 1/2 to 7 pounds now, and nearing 20 inches long! Sometimes I feel like I'm so huge he's got to be bigger, and other times I wonder how on earth a human, even one that small, can possibly fold up inside there! He was a very, very, busy boy on Monday, kept up the action non stop and tried some new dance moves. That exhausted him though, so most of yesterday he slept and this morning isn't quite sure what to do with himself. He's happy with protein for breakfast, and I think settled down for a morning nap before trying another rhumba party. Actually, Mommy is ready for a morning nap as well. Nine hours last night and I'm sleepy again... well, now I just have to decide whether to give in or try and write that Christmas letter. Given the way I'm rambling non-stop here, maybe I'd better go for the nap, lol! After straightening up the house, maybe...

Snow... there have rarely been any instances when I really did not want it to snow. So we get snowed in for a few days, as long as we're all here, who cares?! But with December 22ns fast approaching, snow on the ground, and a cold winter predicted most places, I admit I'm a little nervous. A few years ago they got two feet of snow here. Not a big deal, could even be fun, but not if some snowstorm coincides with Teddy deciding to put in an appearance! And everyone knows how thoughtful babies are in choosing days to be born on... My midwives live an hour away on the other side of Portland. Again, not normally a problem at all. Unless there is snow all over the place, and they can't get through on 26. When Jimmy drove home from work in the snow last year, only a few inches thick, it took him six hours. And the thing is, if we're snowed in, we would have as much trouble getting anywhere as they would have in getting to us! Not just the midwives, but Mom or Bonnie either... which means it would be the two of us. Check that, the three of us, lol!! The odds are very remote. But then again, the odds of us having snow before Thanksgiving aren't good either, and here it is! I'm just sayin'... Anyhow, because that odd does remain, I suggested to Jimmy that I read him the chapter on emergency childbirth procedures. :-) He is, needless to say, not real keen on the idea of delivering a baby solo, but at least I know I'll be able to count on him if it did come up! We'd have the birth kit here, so we would have everything we needed, cord clamp and all that stuff. Just no midwife. :-) Well, not much use worrying about it, but having thought of it I might as well make sure all the bases are covered just in case.
Otherwise Teddy seems to be doing very well! He seems to be sitting lower than he used to, but of course I can't tell very well from this angle. I did get the bedroom furniture moved around (notice I said I got it moved, not that I moved it!), and it does look a lot better! It opens the room up a lot, so the bed is against a wall but there is actually room to stand in the bedroom, or have a bassinet, or even both! The living room is a little full since we have Shelly's chair still here, but eventually we'll find a way to get that down to her and then there will be more room in the living room as well. Still no paint on the bathroom, but I just can't think of a good color to use in there anyhow. Oh well. The bassinet should be coming soon, the birth kit is supposed to be ordered anytime, and otherwise I think we have everything ready for Teddy to come! I can't wait to see him! I admit I am thoroughly looking forward to touching my toes and laying on my stomach, but there is also a definite enjoyment in having my little boy always with me, feeling him move, knowing every time he hiccups or anything... still, I can't wait till I can actually hold him in my arms!
Oh, I got a beautiful maternity coat! Just in time too, it seems. :-) They were clearing out all their winter maternity stuff, and this coat is amazing-- it's wool, pea jacket style, blue plaid, with pleats in the front so I can get huge in it or also look fine just starting to show! I love it. :-) I had no coat that would fit over, so when I found this one I asked Jimmy and he was such a sweetie and said yes. :-) I'm hoping it will last many babies!!

Well, it's been a week this time, but that's a lot better than a month!! I had a dumb realization this morning. One of those moments that make you feel like an idiot, and glad you have PG brain to blame it on! Baby for the longest time was really good about getting active at four each afternoon. Just like clockwork, it was amazing! But the last two weeks or so he hasn't been doing that! I didn't know why, and sometimes when he *did* get active, I'd check the clock and it would be the "wrong" time... well, today he was being super bouncy and I was wondering what was making him so active. It was right about 3:00....and then I realized, babies don't pay any attention to daylight savings time! He's been an hour off since we set the clocks back! Yeah, that took a real brain to figure out...lol!!
Tuesday's prenatal went really well. The protein in the UA was down from before, and I'd gained about a pound. Blood pressure was good, and Teddy measured 35cm., so right on target! I did mention casually that twice now I've had BH contractions coming 5-10 minutes apart, lasting about an hour. Both times in the evening, and they then slowed down and by the time I went to sleep they were normal, with nothing unusual the next day. Not a big deal, but I wanted to mention it. They both looked more interested than I'd expected though, and after talking it over they suggested they check me. I said it couldn't hurt, so go ahead. The thing is, the US gave a due date of Dec. 9th, so they just wanted to make sure nothing was going on. Well, they did check me, and there is actually something starting to go on. Not a lot, of course, just a fingertip dilation and no effacement at all, but the cervix is definitely soft, which they normally wouldn't expect for a few more weeks. So basically they said I might want to get the birth kit and baby stuff ready so I'd have it, just to be safe. Nothing indicating he'll be here in the next few weeks, which is good, but they're thinking he'll be on the early side rather than the late. Obviously these things vary widely, but it's possible he'll be here around 38 or 39 weeks! Of course, he could still wait for 42 weeks, but it's an exciting thought at any rate that maybe I've only got another three or four weeks! Either way, I've got most the baby things ready now, just need to get the birth kit and some plastic pants. And figure out what to stock the freezer/cupboards with that will be good for modwives and others here during the labor, but that won't go bad in the meantime. The nearest pizza place is 25-30 min. or I'd be tempted to try that for after Teddy comes, but I might get a few freezer ones. :-) As for midwife food though... any ideas on that? I could wait till labor starts and go out in the early stages and get some stuff, be a nice distraction, but I really don't want to wait. I like being ready ahead of time! Anyhow, it's something to think about, even if it's a fairly minor point! In the meantime, I want to change all the furniture around. I don't like it. I also want to paint the bathroom. I've got an excuse with that busted pipe that made a hole in the sheetrock we need to repair! It'll have to be painted over anyhow. :-) But that idea makes me want to paint the kitchen as well... hmmm.

Over a month from the last post...sad! I guess I'm not a particularly good blogger. I haven't been online much lately, hence the delay. Fortunately, babies do not require blogs to keep growing. Of course, if they did you'd have to peel me away! So 33weeks, 4 days, 45 days to go! I'm officially waiting till Wednesday to say "A month and a half", since then it'll officially be 34 weeks, but it's so close now anyhow! I was telling Nicola that the last two months seem to be taking as long as the entire rest of the pregnancy combined! She verified that, so I guess it's normal and therefore is not likely to speed up... Although, I do have Jimmy's birthday, our FIRST ANNIVERSARY!!!!!!, Thanksgiving, and all the Christmas preperations to take care of between now and then, so that ought to help it go just a bit faster...maybe? I just cannot wait to see Teddy! I think about him all the time, what he will look like, will I be able to tell which little knobs they are that I've been feeling, what color will his eyes be, how big will he be, what position will he like to curl up in... and yes, I have two very stupid worries. I know they are ridiculous, but I worry firstly that he won't love his Mommy (I told you it's silly! And Siobhan assures me this is normal anyhow. :-) ) and my second silly worry is that he will be blind. I knock wood as I write that. I know it's a dumb worry... but I know he's healthy in all other respects, I know he can hear me and that he wiggles around a lot, and that the risk of downs is pretty well non-existent. The only thing they haven't checked, and can't very well, is his eyes. And he's so low that the flashlight doesn't bring any reaction, at least so far. So, I worry. I pray about it too. I guess all mommies fixate on something. :-) At the last prenatal the heart rate was 128-144, definitely a boy heartbeat, and things were looking good! He measured at 31 weeks (I was 32 and 4 days), which is in the perfectly normal range, but adds to my belief that he will not be a humongous baby like people predict! Actually, it turns out only 3% of babies are 9lbs 14oz or larger at birth... and, incidentally, 3% of moms are diabetics! Makes you wonder, hunh?
Earlier Teddy found something tender which he was using as a punching bag--wow, that was the most uncomfortable thing I think he's done yet! The nerve dances are more painful, but very short lived. And indigestion and heartburn I do not blame directly on him, atthough I suppose he does cause them. But this!! Yike! I got Jimmy to rub him for a bit, and after some extremely violent twists and turns, he finally settled down. He does love his Daddy! I had been reading about Behemoth and Leviathin, and I suspect Teddy, like all little boys, is fascinated with dinosaurs and was pretending to be a fierce T-Rex or something. :-)
Anyhow, here's my 32 week picture...

So now I'm 28 weeks, two days. I love how the little ticker says "82 days left", lol!!! In all reality it could easily be anywhere from 68 to 96 days left! I suppose at any rate, less than a hundred. :-) I have a prenatal a week from Sunday, and then I'll be down to every two weeks. I can't wait to hold my baby finally! Wednesday I was reading, and Teddy was being spastic for some reason, just going crazy doing a rumba in there or something, so of course I started rubbing him, and he kicked so hard he knocked my hand right off my stomach! Lol! But when I'd start talking to him he would calm down until I stopped, and then he'd get crazy again. Of course, I know his little ears work already and have for quite awhile, and he definitely responds to Daddy's voice and piano music and things, but to have him so clearly listening to Mommy...! And to know that he likes the sound of my voice, and wants me to talk to hi, it was just amazing! Not just reacting to things, but responding to me! Wow...
I suppose I should be a good Mommy and finish knitting his soaker, but somehow I'm not as motivated knowing that I used the wrong yarn and it's going to have to be mostly decorative. I'll have to try again with a thicker yarn... I'm thinking maybe I should get some audio books at the library or something too, because it's hard to sit and knit in the silence, or even with music on. If someone is there talking, it's totally different, but it gets so quiet otherwise... I got my scrapbooking stuff out so I could finish the wedding pictures before Teddy comes, only I haven't printed off the rest of the pictures as I realized, and the CD is over at the cabin so I'll have to wait till we can pick it up there and then I can get them printed. In the meantime, I'm feeling quite lazy here!
Teddy should be about 2 1/2 lbs. now... or, if he's still measuring big, somewhere between 3 and 3 1/2. :-) At 31 weeks he should already weigh 4 lbs! Yikes! He is really packing on the weight! I suppose that will increase, too, since if he's 4 lbs at 31 weeks, he'll have to about double his weight in the ten weeks following! Mommy sees a very great weight gain and loss of a tummy button in her near future... :-) Oh, and his eyelashes are growing! I wonder if he'll get Mommy's short lashes or Daddy's beautiful thick, long ones. If he were a little girl, I'd say definitely Mommy's lashes. Somehow little girls always seem to get the short ones, and boys get the long ones... with the exception of Nichole, of course! I wonder if he'll have dimples? I can't wait to see what he looks like!!

So now I am officially 27 weeks along!! Of course, there are still things saying I have to wait yet ANOTHER week for third trimester, but I say, "Pish!". I think 27 weeks is plenty! Besides, if 13 weeks is second trimester, doesn't 26 (whether beginning or end) make sense for third? Really, now! Anyhow, I'm six months like it or not, so there! Baby has been pretty active lately, though he does have more and more liking for my ribs. That's okay, he's a good fellow and seems to stay head down and ROA most of the time, so a little rib action is alright and just makes me want to see him all the more! ;-) I'm afraid I'm dying with excitement, since we are hoping to put an offer in on that house on Saturday. I'm having a terrible time not re-decorating already in my head, and I've got ideas for my Teddy Bear's room despite telling myself not to think about it! It would be so cute.... I must focus on other things though! I don't know if we can even get the house! Even if they accept the offer, it could be months before we can get in with all the red tape involved in short sales!
Anyhow, I've put this off until Jimmy was almost home again, so I'll have to cut it short, but here is a picture I took a few days ago.... Baby is definitely growing!!!

So now I enter into the great debate, which has never mattered so much to me before-- does the third trimester start at the beginning, or the end of week 26? Am I, in fact, in the third trimester, or will I be starting it next Wednesday? Although most of me wants to already be there, I have this fear that the correct starting point is beginning of the 27th week. And why does this even make a difference? I suppose because I want to be in the home stretch, to be so close to being able to hold my little baby! 14 weeks left! I can't believe how fast it's gone already, and I'm sure the rest of the time will fly as well. I hope he looks like his Daddy... I just read this morning that his ears now appear completely developed! Which brings up the all-important question, will this, my first born, have ear-lobes or not? Jimmy does, so I'm sure our kids will be a mix. But if Baby-boo's ears are formed, he either already has them or he doesn't!!! How cute is that?! And here's one-- will he have a crooked little finger like his mother? I hope at least one of our kids gets that. :-) And if he does, I'll be watching his hotdogs to see if he likes them burnt or not, since the two seem to go together, lol!
The prenatal went really well on Sunday, and I'm soon to be moved to every other week! AND, every single week in December since the midwives are saying there is a definite possibility he'll be here early! They said that although it's extremely possible he won't be measuring big when he comes, they are definitely putting me on the homeopathic herb that they've had great success with in the past-- never had a Mom go over a couple hours in labor, though they always remained controlled and handleable. No crazy fast stuff. :-) They also said if he is big, all their mommas with big babies have just popped 'em out, so that sounds good. Either way, I'm not worried he'll be too big for me, God will take care of that. I'm just extremely curious! I've got half the people predicting an enormous kid, and half saying nah, he'll be around 7-8 lbs. Maybe I oughta take bets on it. :-)
I do love having him bigger, he is so fun to feel moving and kicking and having preferences and such! And a lady on a forum I'm on just had her baby at 29 weeks (they were expecting it...) so I get to see about what he looks like now! Just a few weeks off from where she is! I can't believe how thoroughly formed is is already! I'm ready for pregnancy to be over, but mostly because I kind of like turning over normally at night, and being able to get up off the floor in a reasonable manner, and not constantly doing dumb things like trying to store the milk in the cupboard and the crackers in the fridge. :-) But at the same time, I am so much enjoying just knowing he's there, and growing, and that he's my own little baby! I wouldn't trade this for anything!! And after that lady having her baby, I'm so glad he's still safe and snug-- God sure knew what he was doing when He made all this, THE single most advanced system for caring for pre-term babies, and it doesn't cost a dime! Okay... maybe if you add up the extra food I'm eating, but maybe we won't go there. ;-) Although I am fairly sure my button is going to go really soon here. Oh well... Who needs a button on the tum, anyhow, right? Lol! It's definitely threatening to leave...

Jimmy is supposed to be home soon, so I'll run. :-)

Baby has a new trick now of randomly working his way up till he's under his ribs. This has the advantage of moving him off my bladder, but then I get super bad indigestion wherein I have a hard time breathing and even loose the remains of my dinner. Not cool. :-) But most the time he's very good and stays low, and if I make sure to drink enough and have some milk before bed, it's been mostly okay. I love feeling him all over the place now, high as well as low, and the kicks and rolls come everywhere! He is definitely an active little baby!
I got some flannel and fleece at JoAnns this last week while it was on sale so I can make baby blankets. Somehow, that pile of fabric is so thrilling! Holding it and knowing it's blankets that will wrap my baby up and keep him warm, the fleece for him to snuggle in and everything... it's amazing! I'm not exactly sure where he is at right now...I'm 25 weeks today, which means normally he would be about 13.5 inches long and 1.5 lbs. But two weeks ago he was measuring 1.5 lbs and was about two weeks ahead of schedule! I don't know if he's still that far ahead, but assuming one week off, he's probably about 14", and not quite 2lbs. He should be putting on baby fat now on those skinny little bones of his, his lungs are developing, and his hearing is improving. I can tell that just by the way he reacts to the sound of Daddy's voice, which he loves! He is approximately the size of an English Hothouse Cucumber, I am told. :-) A little hard to picture, but okay...
Otherwise all has been progressing fairly steadily. We went house hunting and have a definite prospect, which I'm excited about! Trying not to get my hopes up too much, but the idea of having our own house by the time Baby comes has me excited despite myself!

So we finally had our ultrasound!! It turned out to be in a really big office building and we weren't sure where to go, but I must look pretty clearly pregnant despite what some people say, because a lady who works there saw us looking puzzled and immediately guessed we were there for an ultrasound and told us where to go, lol!! Our tech was a lady, which I was happy to see. I was really hoping for a gal, it seemed like it would be far less embarrassing that way! And, double bonus I found out, not only are they less embarrassing, but they have a deep maternal instinct which makes them happy to look at baby pictures and get sidetracked showing you everything about the baby!! We got 98 pictures in all, everything from profile shots to detailed pictures of the chambers of the heart and cross sections of the baby's spine. :-) She gave us copies of three of them, but is sending everything else to Kori so maybe we can get copies of some more from her once she has the files. Here's hoping!! He looked so good though, and was so obliging, showing off and moving around and sucking his thumb and everything! We got to see all his little fingers and toes, arms and legs and everything! One thing, he is measuring big for his age. Being an ultrasound place they assume of course that I'm off in my dates, so they said he's about 24 weeks, 5 days (6 days today) along, and my due date is the 9th of December. I had pretty good BBT charts though, so it's pretty obvious that I'm not wrong, he's just a little large. :-) He weighs about a pound and a half they said. I guess I'm getting enough protein, lol!!! The thing is, they wouldn't have believed me if I'd argued the point, and since I'm using a midwife it doesn't matter anyhow because she's seen my charts and knows how far I actually am, and is not going to be upset if I go "over" their projected due date and don't have the baby until the 29th. Although I do wonder if he'll be early, especially if he's big and seems mature for his age. The receptionist there was also due December 22nd with her first, and had him on the 30th of November! Wouldn't that be something! The other thing, though, is that because he's measuring big, they have him down as being well past 24 weeks, which is the "viability" marker. And since if anything were to happen they would use the ultrasound dates and not mine, I figure it's not such a bad thing for them to think he's old enough to not only be worth saving, but that it would be mandatory for them to try. :-) Still, it definitely explains why I'm showing as much as I am and seemed to be as big as Nichole... this baby is the same size as hers! I am sort of hoping it will be one of those cases, which are not unusual, where the baby measures big early on, but by the time he's born he's a perfectly "normal" size. Since two of his cousins so far have done that, it wouldn't be surprising. Either way I'm not worried. He's big, but not huge, and I am pretty certain none of my babies will ever exceed 10 pounds, and probably a lot less than that. I'm guessing 8.5 to 9.5 for a birthweight. :-) So we had a fantastic time, and although he definitely seems real, more so than even before, it's still hard to think he's actually mine, that I'm a Mommy and that I actually get to keep him forever!!! I don't have to give him back to his Mommy and leave, I actually get him as my own!! That is just astounding!! Jimmy says it's hard for him to believe it's real either. :-) He was so happy seeing his little baby, watching him move on the screen and everything!!

Viable?

So now that I've reached 22 weeks, my baby is officially "viable" enough that doctors would consider saving him if he were born now. They aren't required to try until 24 weeks, but between now and then it is an "option" and they would at least consider it. Many doctors in larger hospitals would probably give him a shot anyhow. That's amazing, that two days ago he would be considered a miscarriage and nobody would even lift a finger, and now he's 'viable'. And babies have been saved at this age! There was one born just under 22 weeks who made it and is perfectly healthy! I'll still be glad when another two weeks have passed, because then it won't be a doctors whim, they will be required by law to try and save him. Madness, just madness...

Anyhow, baby boo is doing really well! He was practicing flips and other rolling maneuvers earlier this afternoon, and seems for some reason to have moved out of his usual right side preference. Actually, he's a little hard to find at the moment, but I think he's turned all the way around and is sitting with face out and on the left side! He is definitely getting preferences for things, too. I've come to the conclusion that either he loves church services, or he does not like strange men's voices. I rather think it's the latter... three different churches, six different speakers, four types of services, and every one he'd start like he was on a roller coaster or something! But then it kind of clicked at a prayer meeting-- he'd be quiet every time a woman prayed, and pitch a fit when men started talking! Once there was a series of guys praying and he was really getting excited, and then Jimmy started praying and baby immediately stopped and settled down... only to start again with the next strange man's voice! He definitely seems to know Daddy, and does not seem to like strange men. Women he's fine with... and brief conversations with men, if I'm at the grocery store or something, that's fine as well. But prolonged speech by men, and he gets all excited!
I really need to get the packing all taken care of and figure out what to make for dinner that won't leave too much of a mess but will be filling and can be eaten quickly... hum...
Taking baby to Kentucky for Uncle Chuck and Aunt Amber's wedding!!!

21 week picture!! Is he a low rider or what?! I think bigger than the pic three weeks ago, definitely a bit of a funny shape!

I just came across where someone had a link to a baby guessing game, so I went and set one up as well. :-) Take a look here: http://www.expectnet.com/games/LaFayette and see if you can guess correctly! It's point based, so they determine a winner depending on how well you do on the questions.

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Okay, now a WARNING to all you pregnant ladies, this could make you cry a bit. It is baby related, but I personally found it very upsetting. Hence my writing, I need to get it off my chest. Last night I was so upset that when Jimmy asked me how my day had been I broke down and bawled for almost an hour... he was so sweet, he just hugged me and let me talk and cry, and told me I wasn't at all silly for being upset, which was just what I needed. He is such an amazing guy, I am so lucky to have him!
So on the Two Week Wait forum I'm on there was a post last week from a lady who is only two days further along than I am... which really bothers me, since her baby is only two days older than mine. She went in for a 20 week scan and the Doctors (this is in the U.K.) told her her baby had a heart defect, can't recall the name but it's a pretty serious condition. They said although he's fine now, his heart could deteriorate over the next 4.5 months, and he might not make it through to birth, and if he did he would require a number of major surgeries. Basically, he had a 10% survival chance, and they gave her the option of "terminating". She came home to think and post (yeah, no prayer there), and everyone on the forum begged her not to do that, to wait and see and give the baby a chance. After all, at 20 weeks you can only see so much! I mean, we're talking a heart the size of a dime here! They could be wrong, they could be giving a worst case scenario, and things could improve immensely by 40 weeks! Not only that, but there are surgeons in the US who can operate on that condition with a 50% success rate! And there are so many women here who were willing to host her in their home for the baby to get the surgeries, and ways to help with the cost. She said though that she didn't want to go through the pain of possibly loosing him, the pain of surgery, and she wanted it all over with as soon as possible because she could feel him kicking and it made her feel bad... what about the baby's pain? I was horrified, but hadn't seen the post until after she made her decision to take the pill. She did that Sunday, and she was supposed to go into "labor" on Wednesday. I prayed so hard for that baby, hoping something would happen, she'd change her mind and give that baby a chance- I can't believe a mother could do that to her baby! I know a lot of women who would gladly carry that baby for the next 20 weeks knowing all that, to give that baby a chance! I cannot imagine killing my baby boo because he had a heart defect.... I kept hoping the pill wouldn't work, that her baby would be okay. Meanwhile, the little heartrate blinkie on her profile was blinking away, and I kept watching it when I'd see her posts, hoping against hope the baby would live. Wednesday morning (our time), she finally posted.... to say that she'd gone into labor and delivered her baby boy after four hours. He was perfect, weighing a pound even, and he was breathing and his little heart was beating. He was even moving... and they got footprints for her for her certificate so she can show people the "little boy we lost", and pretend to grieve over something "that could not be helped".... hoping for another time when she could have a pregnancy that wouldn't end in "trouble". Meanwhile, they let him die like that, and took him off for a postmortem. And her blinkie changed from a beating heart to a smilie face with wings... her little "angel baby", she'll call him. How could she not even give him a chance, even if it is only 10%? Most likely that is only a CYA number anyhow! He was obviously healthy enough to survive the pill she took in her first attempt to kill him, since his heart was still beating at birth. He deserved to come into this world to love and protection, not to parents to did this just to make him die and then let him lay there and expire without even an effort at helping him! And when I feel my baby kick I think of hers, only a two day difference and yet mine is alive.... she called hers a "miscarrige"... as though it was an accident. As though it wasn't socially acceptable murder. What have we sunk to that a woman can not only do that and get away with it, but it is encouraged? I thought things like that made me upset before I got married and became pregnant, but it is so much worse now. Mothers, of all people in the world, ought to do everything in their power to protect their baby. And she knew full well it was a baby, she even named him and has his footprints! Those unique little footprints of a baby boy who was never given a chance at life... and his Father, who stood by and let it all happen, who helped his wife murder their child. Yes, sin is always ugly, but at the very bottom of depraved nature is a mother who kills her child while the father stands by and helps. So poor Jimmy came home to a wife who cried for almost an hour over a baby she never met. He held me and comforted me and didn't get to bed until late because he cared and knew it was important to me. And I realized again how amazingly fortunate I am to have married a man who is so understanding, who didn't brush it off or tell me I was silly. And a man who would give his own life to save that of his baby, even if he's only 21 weeks old and even if it turns out he has a life threatening deformity. A man who understands fully that he will not "become a Father" in December, he has been one since March. A man who is going to put his family first, whatever that means for him. So after I finally cried myself out, later in the evening we were reading the Bible together and came across these verses in Hosea 9:13-14 "But Ephraim shall bring forth his children to the murderer. Give them, O Lord: what wilt thou give? give them a miscarrying womb and dry breasts."
It did make me wonder... I was asking Siobhan the other day if she thought maybe the increase in infertility nowdays is maybe linked to immunizations as well. But now I wonder if there is another reason. Maybe there are so many miscarrying wombs and dry breasts because so many women bring their children to the murderer.
I still can't think about it without tearing up, and haven't been able to look at any of her posts. Baby boo is kicking as I write this, and I love him so much, it just hurts to think of her baby. Both boys, both healthy and kicking, and only two days apart...
Anyhow, I didn't dare talk to anyone until after I cried it out to Jimmy, and hopefully now I didn't upset anyone else too much. I did warn you! ;-) So there's my post, and the next one should be much more cheerful!

The prenatal on Sunday went really well! Baby was feeling a little sluggish, so he was only moving moderately when they tried feeling him, but boy did he make up for it afterward!! He was bounding about everywhere! They were able to find and feel him, and he appears to be head down (good chap! Just keep that in mind!), back to the right (so ROA, I think?)and his heart rate was in the 130's and 140's. The midwives think it'll be a boy. :-) Everything was looking really good and healthy, and I managed to pack on 8 pounds.... yike! I don't mind putting on weight if it's for him, but I hope I don't keep that up the next three or four months! Lol! they said he's doubling in size though, so that is totally normal for this stage of the game. Anyway, he's been staying pretty active the last few days, being a good baby and kicking Mommy every so often so she doesn't worry. :-) I had a few bites of cake on Sunday, which was probably more sugar than I've had in a long time. I didn't even want the rest of the cake and probably took it more out of old habit than anything, because it really didn't appeal to me, but boy, just those few bites and baby was bouncing off the walls! Wow! I think he did an entire dance performance in the space of about 30 seconds there, lol!!
So now it's less than two weeks to the ultrasound, and I can't wait! I am so excited about it, I'm on pins and needles practically waiting for it to come! I want so badly to see my baby! I am really glad the midwives asked us to have an US. :-) And then waiting for December so I can hold him.... oh, glory!

August already... part of me is amazed at how fast this year is going and wants it to slow down, and part of me is just happy because it means it's that much closer to my baby coming. :-) I would say I can't wait to see my baby, but actually I don't want to see him for real just yet, not until I'm seeing him born healthy and fully cooked! I've read too many stories about preemies recently, and there is a lady on my pregnancy forum who is expecting her fourth... only her babies have been born progressively more premature (like 34 wks, 31 wks, 28 weeks.... something like that) and she's already having contractions and the Dr.s are telling her she probably won't make it past 26 weeks, if she's lucky enough to even make it that far. So I'm happy to let my little baby cook another few months. :-) Though I did just read a story about a baby born at 21wks 6d who survived and is fine! The earliest premie ever to survive they said.... most Drs won't even try if the baby is less than 24 weeks, but they made a mistake and assumed the baby was two weeks further along than she was, and the Mom realized letting them believe that was the only chance for her baby to live, so she didn't correct them.
Anyway...baby is doing really well! The other night I felt something poking me, and I thought it was Jimmy but his hand wasn't even over there... so I felt and realized it was the baby! Of course I poked back and he moved. :-) He definitely prefers the right side over the left, although last night he turned himself diagonally across which felt a little funny! I went to an amazing garage sale on Friday and they had a portable crib (pack n' play, I think they're called?) which was really nice, and a crib bumper/sheet/quilt/dust ruffle set, but I had walked to the sale and couldn't carry it back with me, so I just got a couple other crib sheets. Saturday I went back and got the crib and bumper set ($5 for the set, can you believe it?!), and then they said in five minutes it would be noon and everything that could fit in a bag would be $1 for the bag, if I wanted to look around for a few minutes and maybe fill a bag. For that price I was definitely going to look some more, and even find things for nephews and whatnot! I got two bibs, two changing pads, another baby quilt, two flannel blankets, some teddy bears (okay, so I want to do the nursery with little bears when we have one!), another crib sheet (making 4, plus a plastic crib mattress cover), a baby toy, and some stuff for the nephews. I looked for little girl things for my niece, but they only had kid clothes for girls, no baby stuff. No baby boy, either, but they had two year old stuff, hence the nephew things. I also got some misc. things, a watering can and such, and all for $3! That was a good garage sale. :-)
As far as the exercise DVD, that one should be available at the library. That's where I got mine, and I asked for the other one she did as well. If I like the 2nd trimester one as well as this 3rd trimester (all they had was the 3rd when I went in, but had all the others in the system), I'm thinking I'll buy it. You can get it on Amazon for about $10. She also has a postnatal "boot camp" workout which has really good reviews, so maybe I'll get that one after baby comes. The yoga she has doesn't mention any new age stuff or anything. In the little blurb it says something about helping "physically and spiritually", but she just has them as stretches and doesn't talk at all about the why's or wherefore's, or the yin and yang or whatever yoga is commonly associated with. Just the physical aspects of the stretches and how they help, which muscles, etc. So I really like it, you can take the stretches with none of the weirdness. I did get a pair of yoga pants from Wal-Mart, since even Jimmy's shorts are getting too tight to do bends and stuff in, and those yoga pants look sooooo comfortable, and especially since you mentioned them being comfortable as well, Nichole, I thought I would get some to work out in. I needed something, since none of my shorts work, and the cargo pants are just uncomfortable for that sort of thing. I got them by mail though, since the Wal-Mart nearest here (45 min) doesn't carry them and shipping was only 95 cents.
Speaking of which, I need to workout before it's time to start dinner..... boy, I can feel it when I don't, my back gets all stiff!
BTW, Nichole, when you mentioned the pains from not taking your calcium it reminded me that Shannon had said that Lisa told her the prenatals we're taking weren't good for calcium because of the way the pill is made and what it contains. I intended to get some, and totally spaced it until you mentioned that, and I went, duh! I had some pains exactly like what you mentioned, and it's probably lack of calcium. So I got some, and it's a calcium/D3 combo, which should be good. D3 helps absorb the calcium. And I'm taking them at a different time than the other pills. Thanks both of you for mentioning it! Incidentally, I was talking to a lady yesterday who is about 31 wks, and she said with her last she got up to 7 gallons of milk a week by the time the baby came.... No idea how she managed that, I don't think I could down a gallon a day, but she said she had a 1 1/2 hour labor and attributes it to the milk... hmmm...:-)

I'm almost half way there! Amazingness! Actually, I *am* halfway to full term, so that's quite something! Baby is about 10" long already, which is hard to imagine.... but I could feel a bum bump the other day, which was exciting! He didn't like me poking him and moves away when I do, but I can't resist. :-) It is becoming increasingly hard to do certain things, though nowhere close to as hard as it will be in a few months. But things like reaching the floor in front of you when sitting- nope! No toe touches, rolling over or getting up normally, and it's wonderful because it means that there is a little person in the way, and how amazing is that? Seriously, I'd have given almost anything for this little person, and now here he is! I can't wait for the 23rd when we get the ultrasound and can confirm that he is healthy and perfect. I know he's fine, but still there is that Mommy part that worries. I know he's active and growing, but to know all his little toes are there, to know that his chin is where it belongs, all those little details, lol!!! Bonnie said they gave her the ultrasound pictures on a CD and I am hoping they will do the same for me! That would be so nice!! I have a list I got offline (google "what to buy for baby" if you want one!) on things to get before my fella puts in his appearance. I might be able to think of a lot of them, but I'm the kind that likes a checklist to go through and make sure, especially with my amazing ability to forget lately. Now I can start getting things and checking them off the list... diaper rash cream, crib sheets, shampoo, diaper bag.... FUN!!!!!!!!
I also just read a birth story that made me bawl. Which is a lot easier to do lately, I'm afraid... I don't usually cry over things, but the last month or so I cry over silly things, like listening to "If This is Austen" on the radio the other day. Anyhow, this one really had me in tears. At first glance you wonder how a mother could think like that, even if it was just for the first few hours, but really, it depends on the why's... I think I would be devastated if my baby had downs, not because I couldn't love him but because I want the best for him, I want perfect health and no problems for him. I would be devastated if I found he was missing an arm, but I wouldn't love him any less. And that baby was sooooooo sweet and beautiful, and she loves her so much now! I don't know if I should post the link, I know the two of you who mostly see this blog are also pregnant and prone to the same emotions I am and may end up crying as well. But it really is a beautiful story! So here you are, just don't say I didn't warn you: http://www.kellehampton.com/2010/01/nella-cordelia-birth-story.html

Of course, that is another thing I'll be glad to see is okay at the ultrasound. :-)
Oh, and I found a great pregnancy workout video!! It's Lindsay Brin's video series, she has one for each trimester and since she's actually had kids she actually makes it things that we can really do while pregnant! It feels really good to do, nice and worked-out, yet not bone tired. She also has a 20 minute cool down yoga section. Yoga is something I never tried before, and I'm not sure the ins and outs, but she uses it as a stretch and cool down, and I have to say it feels really, really good. There is an "open child" position in particular baby and I like, very comfortable!

18 weeks, 1 day!! I an definitely feel baby moving now, he wiggles and squirms, and I think I'm beginning to figure out his favorite times of day for activity as well! So far he seem to like afternoons, through about 8:00 PM best.. sounds good to me!!! I read that the uterus is now a little larger than a cantaloupe, which gave me pause when I was cutting up a cantaloupe the other day. Along with the cannibalistic feelings (though not as much since we're talking uterus size here, not baby), I also decided that it wasn't too surprising after all that lying on the stomach is completely out of the question. It feels like there's a cantaloupe in there! But he seems to be doing well, and relieves Mommy's mind whenever she feels him moving around. :-)

15 weeks and counting!

Okay, 21 days between posts is pretty bad.I plead not being able to get online during the whole mess with the car... Anyhow, I reached 15 weeks, and baby is now between four and four and a half inches long, CTR!! I can't believe how fast he is growing! I also realized that I'm over a third of the way through... good heavens! Baby can make faces and suck his thumb already, and is doing crazy things like pump blood and make his own hormones and the like! I think I've been feeling him a few times, but since it's a totally new sensation I'm not quite sure. I did find that laying on my stomach is OUT! Yeesh, it's nothing like laying on top of a lump, because the 'lump" is in your gut! Besides, I'm still worried about hurting him, even though I know it's irrational. Seat belts worry me too, but I know realistically not having a belt would be even worse... Anyhow, I asked Siobhan if she would bring her doppler with her so I could borrow it, and she said yes!! I am so excited about being able to use it! I'll try and be good and not do it too often, but four weeks between hearing my little fellow, especially since I can't feel him move and know he's okay (not that I'm sure it's him), is a long time! We need everyone to cast their gender vote before too long though, since there is no way to guarantee not knowing after the ultrasound. Besides the fact that we may succumb to temptation and ask anyhow, lol! But yes, we are having an ultrasound. Because some steroids (though not prednisone, that we can find, and especially not at low doses) have been linked in rare cases to downs, and because there is a case of downs on Jimmy's side of the family, and because downs usually comes with heart trouble, the midwives said they would feel a lot better if we had an ultrasound just to make sure the heart is fine. None of us feel like there is a problem, the chance is incredibly remote of anything at all, but it's better to know than otherwise. Downs is not a problem, but heart trouble could be. Anyhow, I really can't say I'm sorry they are reccommending it, since I want so badly to see my baby!!!! I am super, super excited about it!! And there is a little part of me that hopes so much they'll do the ultrasound and find twins. :-) Yeah, not likely. But hope springs eternal, right? lol! I don 't have an appointment for the US, but it would be around 18-20 weeks, so not for another 3-5 weeks. But I get a midwife appointment on the 8th of this month, so that'll be fun!! And they'll give me the official recommendation and referral and all that when we go, so we can make an appointment. YAY!!!
In more boring, but related news, my morning sickness seems to be getting better. Knock wood. I still get a little queasy in the mornings and in the car, but overall it's much better and I can get a lot more done now! I still can't eat eggs, but I'm working on protien other ways. :-) I tried some soy protien powder in milk.... gag me with a maggot!! I tried it in OJ and in ice cream, and the simple fact is that it is nauseatingly disgusting. And it's not just me and my pregnancy wierd tastes, because Jimmy, who ate marmite and said it was "fine", also thought this stuff was gross. I have no idea how anyone downs it! I think we're going to try the other stuff. Even the slimfast stuff, which is 'low calorie' (still 200) has 15 grams of protein per serving, which compares well to this stuff at 20. And I'm getting calories, just not as much protein as I should. Cheese, ice cream, beans, meat, peanut butter... but I don't think I'm getting the 80-100 grams I'm supposed to, though it's getting better as I can actually eat more. But I don't think we'll get the slim fast, just something more palateable. On the subject of food though (annoying how much that occupies my thoughts!), I amazed myself by downing an entire polish sausage dog, a la Costco. Don''t remember ever doing that before! Also, I have my very own bag of Doritos cool ranch chips. :-) Lest it sound like I'm eating a lot of junk, those are highlights, lol! I have not given into the Doritos urge at all, only had chips once or twice since I got pregnant, but Jimmy said I should get one thing I wanted really badly to eat, and that was definitely it! Wow..... I'm rationing it the way Shannon used to ration her subs. :-) But otherwise it's been burritos, chicken, potatos, bread, lots of cheese, milk, and cottage cheese...
Enough of food talk though, anyone want to brave the drive and come to the ultrasound appointment when we make it? :-) And what are the votes, boy or girl?

Heart beat!!!!!

We had a WONDERFUL prenatal visit with the midwives, and got to hear the heartbeat!!! Baby was hiding at first and I was afraid we weren't going to be able to hear it this time around, which wouldn't have been too worrisome at 12 weeks, but very disappointing. But then Kori gave it a try, and checked a little lower and there he was!!! It was so beautiful!!! I was amazed that it was actually my baby on the doppler, my little heartbeat, for real and actual! No imagination, no false pregnancy test, no molar pregnancy (yeah, all ridiculous worries, but who said women never worry over the ridiculous?), but a real, live, BABY!!! He has the most beautiful heartbeat in the world. :-) The heart rate was 158, so if you want to guess, go ahead! Kori said that in her experience, a heart rate of 138 or lower was almost 100% sure to be a boy, but above that could be anything. Although she also said you have to wait until you hit four months to make a guess based on that . :-) They said next time we might even be able to feel him! I wonder, if they might be able to feel him externally, when will I feel him? I can't wait!!! They did find the fundus, which they weren't sure if they'd be able to do since it's still pretty early, but it was a finger's width above the bone, which will probably only mean anything to a few people, but I am so happy I'll tell the blog anyhow! Everything looked really good, and our next appointment is for the 8th of July. I'll be 16 weeks, amazing as that sounds to me! Jimmy was thrilled to death to hear the heart this morning. It must be harder for the guys, they see the morning sickness and weight gain and stuff, but can't actually "feel" any difference, so for them something like a heart must be a lot more tangible...Anyhow, he was super excited about it!! Our little fellow is about the size of a lime they say. Growing amazingly fast!! And, I'm officially past 12 weeks now, so just about out of the first trimester! Yay!!!

Hmm, it's been awhile since I last posted... what happened is week of feeling especially rotten. I'm attempting to convince myself it was a "last fling" and that since I'm ALMOST 12 WEEKS!!!!! it'll be done with that sort of nonsense soon. :-) Jimmy has been amazing taking care of me and putting up with things. You know it has to be love when they look at you, flopped in bed where you're still laying at 1 in the afternoon, hair disgusting, no makeup, haggard from your recent bout with the, *ahem!* bucket, nasty and miserable and fat, and they say with all sincerity, "You sure are beautiful!" Very much appreciated, but hard to believe at that point! Still, I doubt only the validity of the statement, not his belief in it, so that makes it really sweet. :-) This afternoon we were going to see the new 'Robin Hood' that just came out, and theatres always make me think of Andrea in the 'Cathy' comics, "Why yes! A movie would be a fine audio/sensory experience for my unborn baby!" Lolol!!!! We didn't end up seeing it because it turned out the last showing started half an hour before we got there, unless we wanted to wait 3 1/2 hours. Thus we realize the brilliance of checking showtimes before you leave the house! ;-) We figured rather than wait, we would go eat at Costco and then hopefully see it on Monday. Yeah, I know, Costco is not the best. But considering it was one of the few times this week I really wanted to eat, I just made sure it had protein!! I felt so much better today, I actually cleaned up, baked, and vaccuumed the car! And ate some more-- this time chicken enchiladas (which I'm crazy about at the moment!), milk, and banana bread. And oatmeal this morning for breakfast, so overall not too bad!
I can't believe I'm so close to 12 weeks!!! I am thoroughly excited about that. And the day after that, Thursday, I have a prenatal!!!!!! And I'm SO looking forward to hearing a heartbeat!!! I think they said baby is about 2" CRL, and is growing by leaps and bounds! I was on the forum for December due dates and there was an untrasound pic from a lady who is only three days ahead of me, and it was so neat to look at it and know that that is what my baby looks like right now! only they all thought hers was a girl, and more and more I have the feeling this is a boy. I will be very interested in hearing what the heart rate is on Thursday. Jimmy says my arm hair is getting darker. And then there is Joey's theory that if a pregnant chocoholic doesn't want chocolate, she must be having a boy, and Thomas' theory that if you feel like slugs and snails and puppy dog tails, you must be pregnant with a boy. Plus the common theory that huge protein cravings means a boy, and the theory that if you loose hair rather than it getting bushy, it's a boy. Of course, the more indications that it is a boy, the more suspicious I am since it seems like every time there is a 100% certainty, you end up wrong, lol!!
Well, I finally feel good and don't want to go to bed, since every time I do I just seem to wake up sick. ;-) But staying up late certainly wouldn't help anything, so I'd better scoot. Hopefully after the prenatal I'll have more baby related news! Oh, incidentally but very baby related as far as I'm concerned, I'm completely off prednisone!! Yay!! I wasn't too worried since it was a really low dose and studies have shown that to be fine, but it certainly doesn't hurt my feelings to be off, either!
Oh, and before I go, I've been keeping track as far as diet/sickness goes, Shannon. We eat mostly whole grains and very little sugar most the time (besides the good ol' brown sugar for sale in the oatmeal), with the exception lately of cola and ice cream. Neither one of those seems to trigger morning sickness either the day following or the day after. I'm sure a high sugar to a whole grain diet would make a difference, but apparently if you eat pretty well, the ice cream and cola on an upset stomache is fine. Obviously everyone is going to react differently to things, but I was pleased to see that those two things seem to be okay for me. :-) Although, if giving them up would cut the sickness, I'd be more than happy to do so!! The thing that does help, not surprisingly, is protein. Bananas and potatoes worked to a degree, but past that point they seem to be ineffectual. Interestingly, I met another lady who had severe morning sickness and cola was the only thing that settled it...
Right, heigh ho, heigh ho!

Bump pictures!

Here's one picture of me anyhow.... I'm not sure how to turn it though! I'll have to figure it out and re-post... :-) Not a great shot of me, so it's only going on here, but at least you can see the bump! :-)
And, a second picture with Jimmy's bump! Definitely a goon... he was having a very hard time holding that so I could get a picture. He just fills up with air somehow! I told him his is bigger, but I'll pass him up! Anyhow, he said it was okay for me to post. :-)
Gotta go make some pizza. Sad, isn't it?! Shannon, I need to write you back on your comment, very interesting theory!

Nine weeks!!!

Just hit nine weeks yesterday, and I am delighted!!! Only three weeks to go and I'll be at 12 weeks, which will be a relief! Monday and Tuesday I felt pretty good. Not terrific, but good- up all day, baked, cleaned the house... and that had me worried. Siobhan told me not to worry, she'd had that happen occasionally, and it usually came back with a vengeance. She was right! I was much relieved yesterday to find that I felt awful again. And continued to feel icky the entire day and all the way through this morning. My sweet man made me breakfast and straightened up for me, and I am very happy to report that his coke-and-chocolate-chip-mint float worked wonders! When I started nothing sounded even remotely okay, and by the time I finished I felt good enough to get up and actually eat the breakfast! Guess he figured both those things sometimes helped, so combined they'd do even better. :-)
So I believe our baby is now the size of an olive. Fortunately, I don't much like olives unless they are the black kind and either sliced or chopped. And the one on the website demonstrating the size was distinctly a whole, green olive. I had to find my little pro-life hands pin because that is a 10 week baby, and we are getting really close at 9 weeks! I will have to take a bump picture and post it here soon. Now that both Nichole and Shannon have posted theirs, I feel compelled. :-) However, I am slightly embarrassed to admit my bump is about twice the size. I've tried coming up with explanations for this, and the best I can do is the twin theory. I like that one, personally! Really, I was getting almost flat before I got pregnant! Of course there was the extra med. weight, but I don't know if that would have anything to do with it.... I thought the bigger you were the longer it took to show? Anyhow, I will try and get a pic taken soon and post it, and then you can comment away. :-)
Right now, when I feel like eating, I mostly want two things-- beans and meat. Especially meat right now. Slabs of meat, hunks of meat, many forms of meat... I've finished off all the chicken (besides chicken patties... gross!), ate the steak, and am most the way through the second package of ground beef. The other thing I want is lasagna... with sausage. Cottage cheese and meat mixed deliciously... heavenly! I sense a protein craving here. That's good I suppose, but I think a grocery run will be in order here soon. The midwife suggested dumping protein powder into a milkshake. Not protein powder as a main source of it, but as a "I'm too sick most the time to eat anything and the few times I can I'm not coming anywhere close to 90g" remedy. Sounds like it might be worth trying, at least for the next few weeks until I can just plain eat it in regular forms.

8 weeks, 4 days

I got to go to my first prenatal on Thursday! No heartbeat of course, but we did a blood draw, went through the paper stuff, did all the usual 'when is your due date' type stuff... it was fun! Anything baby related. :-) They are both really nice and really seem to know their stuff. And they are both super excited about doing this birth, which is nice! Kori said next time we should be able to get the heartbeat, although as she said, by that point we'll probably already have tried to get it ourselves, which is of course true! lol! Not sure if we'll be successful since I have a stethescope and not much practice compared to their lots of practice and a doppler. But I'll sure try! They both enjoyed the fact that I've studied midwifery as well, since it make things easy for them to explain. They don't have to go through whys and wherefores of a lot of stuff with me, and they like that. Also, being familiar with homebirth and all, I'm not likely to get cold feet or demand an epidural. :-) Anyhow, they couldn't really check things too much, but we got the paper stuff out of the way, so next time it should be all fun! And baby reminds me constantly that he is doing well, which I love! Seriously, I can't say I enjoy feeling tired and awful, persay, but it's about as close as you can come to enjoying it. I wish I felt better, but at the same time I love the fact that it means there really is a baby, and he really is growing, and he really is OURS!! That last part really amazes me! I've wanted a baby so long, and always said I wouldn't mind the sickness and such if it meant there was a baby, and you know, I really don't mind because it means there is a baby!! Wow. :-)
As far as that goes, I do find that potatos are only good to a point. Apparently in early stages they can ward it off. Later, in the thick of it, I am hopeful that they calm it down, but certainly they do not entirely take care of it. Neither do bananas. I read on "the bump" that right now I might "start feeling a little tired." HA!! I'm completely wiped out and have been sick into the afternoon pretty much every other day for the past week and a half. The other days I'm just sick, but can get around somewhat. Good thing for the house, it looks bad enough as it is. Jimmy's been a sweetheart and takes care of the garbage and the compost and straightens things up for me, but one still tends to get clutter on open surfaces and such.Oh well. :-) Anyhow, so goes my rant on potatoes lately. If you can't tell, the thought of them does not make me happy, and trying to eat them or bananas every evening has not been as fun as it otherwise would be.Still, for all my rants I am still hopeful they have some effect.
Shannon, I was happy to see your comment re the grape juice. I just found out this evening that apple juice does not make me happy. :-) I've been drinking pink lemonade, and that works pretty well, but I'm fairly certain I'm not drinking enough even at that. Grape juice sounds definitely worth a try! Oh, and the midwife reccommended blue gatoraid. I don't think the color matters too much, but she said that although she doesn't usually like the taste at all, when she was expecting it was heavenly. :-) Also has electrolytes, so while massive amounts over a long period probably aren't great, for a few weeks it's certainly better than not getting enough liquid. :-) Another thing to try! I may have to call you on the tasty suggestions, because right now I can' t think of anything at all... even pizza sounded icky earlier, and that rarely happens!
Anyhow, I'm making rather a lengthy entry here, but food seems to occupy my thoughts rather thoroughly, whether or not I can eat or any of it even sounds good! I keep checking the 'week by week' things for updates on what my little person looks like and is doing, and am thrilled to see he really looks like a baby! Goodness, that was fast!

My man...

I'm pretty sure.... no, I'm certain I'm married to the sweetest guy ever! Yesterday's rebellion did not stop despite 2/3 of a box of amazing smelling Uncle Ben's style rice, and a banana. All night it was iffy, though fortunately I only noticed when I woke up, and in the morning it was not good. I tried crackers, I had some yougurt....I felt good enough to get up a bit, had an orange since it was one of the few things that sounded vaguely okay and not likely to increase nausea. I had some water despite really not wanting some since it did feel nausea-making, but one has to drink, right? Bleah.... I ended up back in bed feeling awful, and actually lost it at one point. First time, and I'd been hoping to avoid it. So what did my man do? He offered me anything he could think of, made me some orange juice (which I couldn't down, even though it wasn't water), did all the dishes which were stacked up after yesterday's bout of rebellion, AND dried them and put them away, took care of things, rubbed my back, and then when he found out that the only thing I wanted to eat (or rather, the only thing that didn't sicken me at the thought), was a Burger King Jr. Whopper, which was 25 miles away, he took me out and got me not one, but two. Fortunately for my guilt we did have some other errands to run, but whether we would have done them today if it hadn't been for that whopper is debatable... He also took care of everything, swept, and made the bed when I finally got up for the last time! He even got me ice cream, crackers, and granola bars for later when I need them, as well as some coke for upset stomache, and some mac and cheese which has also been sounding good. And all he says is, "I can't believe I'm so lucky I got to marry you!" If that's not amazing and sweet, I've never met it...
Also, all this means baby must be doing fabulously, so apperantly I've got a wonderful husband AND a healthy baby! I am one fortunate girl, that's for sure. Can't believe what God has done for me!

Madame Blueberry!

So I read that my baby is the size of a blueberry. I look down at the ever-disappearing waistline and wonder how on earth he could still be so tiny, but I am most happy to loose the waist at the same time! I think he's got excess room taken up with his accessories right now. :-) My first prenatal is supposed to be Thursday at one, and I am quite excited! I don't think we'll be able to hear a heartbeat yet, but that means the next prenatal would probably be at 12 weeks, since they're usually once a month for awhile, and at 12 weeks they can often hear the heart! In the meantime, the brain is generating 100 new cells every minute, which is absolutely amazing! I'm pretty sure whatever is casing this generation is what is causing my brain cells to dissapear at 100 cells per minute. :-) No wonder they talk about "pregnancy brain", lol!! I feel like an idiot, so many words are escaping me! Luckily Jimmy knows me well enough he can usually figure out what I'm trying to say, lol!
I'm feeling okay, but have noticed an interesting problem-- I am starving, but nothing sounds good. Everything I think of sounds yucky....especially the chicken patties that I got that sounded so amazing a week or two ago. Ugh! Well, I will go find something good and nutritious for baby. A short post, yes, but between the brain and the open rebellion below, things must be done. There are wheels within wheels, and that's the humor of it.

The Kidneys are Growing...

I really think that is one of those phrases that you either get excited over or don't, no middle ground. There is something so amazing when you glance at the screen saver that is up with it's little diagram of a baby and it says "The Kidneys are Growing"! Goodness, things really happen fast! This baby is so small he is still being measured in millimeters, and yet he has kidneys growing!
The midwives came on Monday, and we both really liked them. We did ask for a reference since it's the good thing to do, and are just waiting on a call back from that lady, but really I think we're pretty well decided on using them. They are in agreement on all important aspects, and seem easy to get along with and work with. Plus, they are both really excited about doing this birth, which is neat! With all the births they've done, there is still nothing hum-drum about it for them. Not that there is for most midwives, but it's neat to see. :-) Kori said she has a really good feeling about it. She said she prays about every birth before she will accept someone as a client, and has had to send people elsewhere, but she said with all the praying she has only good feelings about it. Yeah, that might sound a little weird to some people, but really I've heard too many stories, and even seen things for me to ignore that. Briana (the other midwife) said they'd probably do the first prenatal around ten weeks. I almost hope it's around 12 so we could hear the heartbeat when we go it... either way we'd hear it the time after, but it would be so amazing to get to hear our baby's heart!! I have a stethoscope, so we can try it ourselves, but they are definitely more practiced at picking it up and getting the heartbeat rather than the uterus sounds. Anyhow, it's still a few weeks off but I'm excited about it!! Seven weeks yesterday! That is so amazing!

Midwives and morning sickness...

I finally got to talk to the midwife yesterday! Technically I talked to her the day before, but she was on her way back from California and was going through the mountains, so she couldn't hear me and asked if she could call me back the next morning. She sounds really nice, asked a few questions, and asked if I had questions (though some I'll wait to ask her until I see her). She has no problem coming this far, didn't really seem to think it was very far, and said she's delivered babies as far as the coast and Pendleton. Yay! She does have a partner, a 28 year old girl who is also a Christian. She said finding another Christian to work with took a lot of time and prayer! Anyhow, they like doing home calls apparently, so we don't even have to drive out, they are coming here! I think because she doesn't have an office or clinic, and obviously their homes are just that, their homes. So she said if I would rather I could go to one of their places, but they always like doing it at the mother's house since she's comfortable and everything they need is available. Fine with me! Just means I need to make sure the house is straightened up Sunday evening, and remember to spray the carpet before they come. The carpet is yukky. It has to go very soon. Anyhow, the midwives should be here about 10 on Monday, so I'm pretty excited! I've been reading a book called "Pushed", and statitically it is very obvious that a home birth is waaaay safer than any sort of hospital birth! We have a 1.5% ceserean rate versus a 30 to 35% rate in the hospitals....hmmm! out of 33 industrialized nations, the U.S. ranks at the top for amount of medical intervention during birth, and #32 for maternal and infant mortality. Interestingly, the three nations in the top three places for having the very lowest mortality rates are the three countries that believe home birth is the norm, and medical intervention is only for absolute necessity! Kind of tells you something.
I'm feeling pretty good this morning. Of course, every time I do feel good I worry that my baby isn't okay. Actually, the only time I'm relatively worry free is during the worst bouts of nausea. Anyhow, I decided to experiment with the potato idea, so last night before bed I had a baked potato. Still had to eat right off this morning since there was some of that "impending sickness" feeling, but the point is I was ABLE to eat, and now I feel pretty good. This definitely merits more experimentation, since yesterday I felt lousy the entire day. Jimmy was such a sweetheart, he took care of me and made sure I had whatever I wanted, encouraged me to try and get something down, and then we just plopped and watched "Much Ado About Nothing" when I was still feeling bad. Yeah, when the second baby and following come along I won't be able to do that, but for right now it was sure nice to do. :-) He helps out with chores and cleaning, lets me nap when I feel like it, and tells me I'm beautiful even when I feel not only like death warmed over, but actually not warmed over and already played with by the cat. I felt like such a slug yesterday, I dragged around, watched a movie, became ravenously hungry and devoured all sorts of chicken and veggies, and then fell asleep in a chair. When I awoke from my nap I promptly fell asleep again and stayed sacked out for another 45 minutes. Sarah called in the afternoon to invite us over for dinner, which was delicious pot roast and vegetables and amazing rolls, and then when we came back here I went to bed and fell asleep. Such an active day.... :-p
Anyhow, I read that my baby's esophagus and trachea are now separated, whereas they previously were one tube. And for those wondering, yes, that is of very great interest to me! His heart is now beating, and all the little digits are forming, and he even has tooth buds! He's an amazing little person, and I have a feeling that at this rate it won't be all that long before he can follow his large relation, Uncle Thomas, around gun shows yelling "WICKED TRIGGER PULL!" like he's supposed to. I'm very proud of my talented and amazing tiny person!! I still can't wait to find one of those shirts with the arrow that says "Baby!", and am delighted to find that maternity shirts make one look like one is expecting, rather than like one has a pooch, which is what I look like. Not that I mind, but I'd rather it was evident there was a little person! Kind of like Lydia hanging her hand on the edge of the carriage window as they passed I suppose. :-)
Gotta see if I can find an article about "The Blonsky" to post here... it absolutely amazed me!

My tiny apple seed!!

Oh, I got on preg.fertilityfriend.com, and they said our baby is now the size of an apple seed!! It's fun being able to picture the size. :-) I agree about the fruit thing, it would make eating a grape rather odd, but an apple seed I don't mind at all. :-) They also said that your baby "has formed a distinct head with the first stages of eyes and ears. The spinal column and cord are formed. Buds that will grow limbs have also formed. The heart is starting to beat and...the kidneys, liver and nerve cells have also begun to develop. Ten dental buds are growing in the jaws. Blood circulation has begun and primitive red blood cells circulate. The neural tube has closed over along your baby's spine. The optic vesicles, which resemble tiny discs of pigment set in cups along the sides of your baby's head will develop into your baby's eyes."
Goodness, for a tiny person he sure is busy!! I love seeing the pictures of where he is in development. He is so obviously a tiny baby human, even this early!! And early it is, not six weeks until Wednesday. I'm happy every Wednesday when I can mark off another week, and I think 12 weeks will be a relief. :-) Almost half way there! I think it's great how we get a jumpstart on the first part and get that bonus half a month automatically, lol!!
No morning sickness this morning, though it was clearly barely held at bay. I staggered up and ate something, which may have held it off. Also, the night before I had taters. I heard that eating potatoes the night before can stave off morning sickness, so it will have to be experimented with. Possibly a coincidence, but it would be a good experiment anyhow. :-) I'd love some taters right now if I hadn't eaten them all already! Actually, what I want right now is some of the baked omlet Mom made the other morning. Oh, that was delicious once I could start eating it! I just ran out of eggs though, so that'll have to wait. Anyhow, I like the morning sickness coming since it means all is well, so that makes me happy. On the other hand, just enough to let me know all is well, without being *too* much, would be good. At the moment food is on the mind because it's been a little over two hours and I'm starving again. I think I'll go eat something...
I think we're going to call the midwife tomorrow! I'm really excited, getting to meet her, and down the road doing the prenatals, and then the heart beat! I'm really looking forward to getting to hear my baby, and already have a stethoscope! Eventually, a fetascope, but for now this is good!
The other thing is baby names. We don't have a boy's middle name or any girls names yet. Not surprising, it is very early still. But I am having fun looking at names and thinking about them! I think waiting to decide until we can feel the baby would be good, see what kind of kid this is. :-) But looking sure is fun!!

Five weeks!!

I'm five weeks today, and took another test this morning. I had another one, and while I thought I may as well take it, I waited till this morning, partly because I only had one more and that second line is soooo reassuring, had I taken it last Thursday I'd be more prone to worry now. The other thing is that by waiting till today I was that much further along, and I really wanted a dark, strong second line-- which I got!! It's a beautiful thing. :-) Even more beautiful is what our baby looks like! I got a book from the library yesterday with pictures they took at all the stages using a wierd camera that can do it, and they have five week pictures there; he is so amazing!! God is so amazing, the way He makes a person, and how incredibly fast He does it!! Finger buds, heartbeat, blood vessles....tooth buds, for pity's sake!! My little guy is barely three weeks old, and he has tooth buds already!! And, oh happy day! the doctor said yesterday that the pregnancy was a really good thing, turns out a lot of people who have what I do actually improve with pregnancy because it produces it's own cortizone and anti-inflammatories! And he took me off Septra and I'm decreasing to nothing on the prednisone! Praise the Lord! No septra will be so much better, I won't have that baby worry to deal with. :-) They say it's mostly an issue the last trimester, but I still don't trust it. Anyhow, I don't have to go back for four months unless something comes up!! Which means, I'll be halfway through pregnancy by Charlie and Amber's wedding! Wow, there's a thought....!!!
Tomorrow, off to see the fam and bring down some root beer floats!!!

Chili...

I doubt, at not quite five weeks, that I could possibly be having food cravings yet, but I am definitely ravenous. I usually eat at meal times, and as long as I do that I don't really ever feel hungry. Now, however, I'm starving two hours after a big meal. I thought Shannon was funny getting hungry so early, but now my laughter has come back to haunt me. However, I have found that chili is the most amazing thing ever, aside from chocolate. I've been wanting to eat it, and see, much to my delight, that one serving contains 19 grams of protein!! There are two servings to a can, which mean 38 grams in a can, and if anyone were to eat both servings (not that *I* would, of course!), they would be getting a lot of protein in a deliciously amazing way! I'm assuming that homemade chili would probably have a lot as well, though the last two batches were from a can. I have been able to stay away from the leftover cheesecake brownies, and actually they don't temp me nearly as much as the chili. Like I said, it seems early for a craving, but if that's what I ended up wanting all the way through, it would not be a bad thing. :-) I am feeling very healthy right now because I had an omelet, some potatoes, and yogurt for breakfast (spaced out about three hours, not all at once!), which was nutritious, had dairy, eggs, meat, and vegetables, and exceeded 35g protein, then an orange, and now chili and a dark leaf salad with carrots, broccoli, and celery. With lots of water and raspberry leaf tea. Of course, one can't feel too smug sitting here with a cold and no voice, but hey, at least it's something!
We have a Dr. appointment tomorrow and will have to tell him I'm expecting. He's okayed it and I think will not be at all surprised, but may change my medication around a bit. He's been changing it anyhow, but I think will review it slightly differently with this in mind. We'll see what he says. :-)

It's amazing someone so small could make such a difference! I don't feel pregnant at all, but I love him so much and I'm scared of anything happening to him!! Every twinge or odd sensation down there and I worry! I shouldn't, I've read so many books on midwifery you'd think I'd know more what was going on and what was normal, but it doesn't help the worry!
I'm home from Church today, my cold was better last night, and although I don't feel too bad this morning, I sound awful.... coughing and no voice at all. I suspicion it's worse because my immune system may have been lowered with certain 'events' recently having to do with a very tiny person. :-) We put the baby screen saver on Jimmy's computer yesterday, and he is indeed tiny! Not much shape just yet, but another week and he should look more like a baby, lol! And at about six weeks he'll have a heartbeat! We have one guess so far that it's a boy. I sort of think girl, but have no reason to think that.... I'll have to give it a few months and see if I still think girl. :-)

Midwives

I was looking online for local midwives... yes, it is early, but better to be prepared, right? Besides, I have to do something with this excitement or I'll bust! I already talk Jimmy's ear off about it, and he's as excited as I am so he's happy to have me do that, but one can't only talk. One must DO something! So, I googled local midwives. :-) I'm pretty picky-- she has to like completely natural birth, be a granny sort, no medical or state intervention type stuff. And I want one who will be a proper midwife, not one of many where you get assigned a midwife and then hope she's on call when you go into labor. I want to get to know her and know she will be the one there with me. And I have to like her face-- not a liberal hippie type who looks like they don't shave.... sorry, but I just would not be comfortable with someone like that around in such a rather personal time!! So I have to like her face, I need to be able to be friends with her, she has to like having Daddy involved (Jimmy already said he wants to catch the baby if he can!), and I would like a Christian. I'd prefer a DEM, although I may have to go with someone who is certified, since there are very few lay midwives left, especially in this are! Long list..... but not impossible, right? Right..... The great thing is, we may have found her! There is one who pretty well fits the bill, her name is Kori Muth, she's local, a Christian, has six of her own, and I think she's a DEM!! She graduated from Birthingway in 1995, but I don't think she's licensed...yay!! I put a link to her page on the side so you can see it. I think we'll wait another few weeks before we call her, and then we can set up an interview meeting. I have to make sure that Oregon City isn't too far away... some midwives might not like driving that far, but we'll see. Usually they don't mind so much as long as there is a hospital nearby, which there is. I hope so, I do like her face. :-) If not, perhaps she can reccommend someone closer?

I felt rotten today, but it's this miserable cold which gave me a bit of a headache. Actually, I'm pretty sure it's a combination of things, I doubt a cold would have made me this tired by itself. :-) Now I totally understand what Nichole was just saying about feeling tired!! I sense naps in my future.... I still can't believe it's real, that there is really a baby there!! I don't feel pregnant....I can't wait till I start showing, but that'll probably be awhile. Maybe not as long as some since I'm starting out with extra from the medication I've been on. I got a head start, lol!! At least people will 'blame' it on the baby and not on me looking chubby! Hooray for that! I can't wait to tell everyone!! We're waiting till next Thursday just to give it another week, since I'm all kinds of nervous about something happening to my baby. Can't wait too long though, and besides, I want to shout it out! I'm so excited, I want to tell everyone! And wait till Shannon and Nichole find out we're all within three weeks of each other!

It's still a baby!!

I took another test today... somehow, I wanted to see confirmation! We "only" bought three tests, so I'll have to be good and stick to that, but I know girls who have gone through as many as ten doing one a day, so at least I'm not alone in this wierdness!! And, much to my relief, there again were those two BEAUTIFUL lines!!!! I shouldn't have been nervous, I suppose, given the miniscule odds of a false positive, but I was! I think I'll keep the last one for next week, right before we drive down to tell the family. Besides, these lines are faint, which only means it's very early on, but it would be so much fun to get a really dark line!! I've got a slight cold, which is a nusiance, but otherwise feel pretty good! Morning sickness isn't supposed to start until about six weeks, so I should be fine for awhile. I wonder if I'll get much...?

It's a baby!!!!!!!!!!!

We found out today I'm pregnant! I can't believe it, we were hoping so much to see those two little lines on the test, but had to wait till we bought them, got home, etc., and I was so nervous taking it for fear I'd only see one line...I had to leave it on the counter and go thaw some chicken while I was waiting, since "A watched pot never boils", and I wouldn't want that to hold true for the test as well, lol!! But no, double lines!!! That means I'm 13 days pregnant, or almost four weeks by doctor reckoning. Hard to believe it could possibly be true, or that it could have already been almost two weeks without us knowing!!! I'm due the 22nd of December, my parent's anniversary. Could be a little Christmas baby!! With two sisters due only a few weeks before, this should be an awesome holiday season!!